My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
vagina is talking i cant
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
