May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
