i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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