I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
