Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
