I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
