I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
