after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
