I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
