Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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