come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
