If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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