The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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