Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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