so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
