Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
