Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
