I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
