we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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