whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
