My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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