Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
