This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
