when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
