I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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