I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
