i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
