matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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