wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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