11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
