Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize