wakey wakey hands off snakey
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
