Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
