The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
