I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
