I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
