I think I am morally bankrupt
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
