he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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