just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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