Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
