I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
