I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
