Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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