Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
