swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
