My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
