Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
