I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
