3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
