I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
