I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You left your phone here
Wait...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
