Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
