apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
