im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize