all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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