your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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