jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
