even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
