I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
