I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
