my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
