I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
