Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
