Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
