My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
