I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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