hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
