so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
