I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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