I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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